writings!

1.
Your hands are slipping through my own.
and though i try to hold on, there are too many incoherent thoughts in my head.
please don't go away from me.
one day i'll be all better and we can forget all this.
I strive for my own perfection, yet it doesn't seem enough.
I'm small. that's good. dear god I'm small. let me stay here
i won't make a mess. I'll be a fragile little being who you can crush in your sleep.
who will watch over you and kiss your neck and whisper how much she loves you
I draw pattens on your back and wait for you to wake up.
i get dressed and do things that i think will impress you.
i don't want this to end.
I want to kiss your face with my red lips and leave little markings of where i've been.
i want to lick your sweat and give you dreams of me.
I want to put my hands in your hair and wear your clothes, just because i like to smell you.
The incoherent arguments are nothing. forget them. sleep with me and it will be fine.
Bite my lips and let me wear your sweater
Let me sit here until i'm well.
You can wipe my lipstick off your face and fix your hair that i've pushed the wrong way. you can take your sweater and put it in the wash.

But I'll still be here, waiting for you to lie down so i can whisper to you in your sleep.


2.
On these lonely nights, I fall asleep to the ghost of you
This soft form laying by my side sleeping soundly
the ghost that i kiss on the back
the ghost that i wake up next to, kissing the hollow of it's neck
But every morning the ghost of you disappears.
And every morning I loose myself again


3.
Here I am
what is going on around me
this confusion
never ending
don't give up on me
I've got a path
and I've got your heart in my pocket
But that's okay
my heart sits comfortably in your pocket
Not wanting to break out

I hear it beating in there
when you are close to me
I hear it telling me that everything is going to be okay
I lay on your chest and kiss your eyes
the ones that I have waited for
for an eternity it seems
They seem to reflect my face back at me
it's crying

And i drown in my tears
swallowing and gasping for air
The lonely nights when i look out my window
and whisper "I love you." into this little town
Does it carry to you?
Do you hear it when you sleep in your bed?
Did that whisper caress your ear while you slept by someone else?

I like to imagine that you hear me, that you can feel my carried whispers like my hand against
your cheek.



And you call me, and you come over
and we say the same things to each other.
We agree.
But i still cry
and i reach into my pocket, to squeeze your heart.

I say goodbye to you again.


4.
A ramble from  a while ago

I want to feel something
squeeze me
really
when does anything turn out wonderful and sweet?
when are you dripping with class?
alone smoking, depraved
casual
tights, small dresses, that one you were ra--ed in .
fill in the blanks, right?
it's become nothing
make me fucking feel something
Christ.
where is every emotion that i once recognized as my own?
i wish things were so fucking insanely in your face, so that I'd have no choice but to feel them.
and not think
not think of my face
my expression. my everything, that seems to silly and imperfect,
I'm going through the motions, without any real emotion to it all.
And now it's past midnight, and should have left, i should stop letting everyone down
and now it's almost morning, and I feel like having a cup of coffee and dressing all dark and looking
like a tiny tiny creature who fragily goes through life, who delicately wipes her face on her shirt
and lights a cigarette,
all the while, thinking some silly thoughts about the bones that are under her flesh and asking how they look.

Avacado brownies + simple blackberry muffins

I've been trying to find a way to replace butter in recipes, without having to use a bunch of oil. Avacado is perfect for this, it may turn cookies a slight green color, but green is pretty. so that makes up for it, right?
Anyhow, here's the recipe:

1 cup Hazelnut flour
3/4 cup Cocoa Powder
3/4 cup Xylitol
3 Tablespoons Water
1/2 Avocado
2 T Almond Milk
handful of sunflower seeds

combine all ingredients, the batter will be very thick. If you have a food processor, it would be best to mash up the avocado in that beforehand.
Cook at 350 until edges solidify. Let cool, and eat.

These are very rich. very very rich. and gooey. I love them.

Blackberry muffins!

1/2 cup hazelnut flour
1 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup xylitol
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup almond milk
1/4 cup oil (i used olive oil)
1 cup blackberries

Combine flours, xylitol, salt, and baking powder.
Add almond milk and oil, the batter will be thick.
Fold in the blackberries, i used frozen, but i'm sure fresh will work just fine too.
Plop walnut sized balls into muffin tin, and bake at 400 degrees until slighty golden .
You may also choose to sprinkle xylitol on top when they are done cooking, it adds that extra pizazz

.

quiche with sweet potatoe crust + DELCIOUS SHAKE

I am going to make several posts tonight, as all i have been doing lately is cooking

>.<

First

For the crust:

2 medium sweet potatoes cooked and mashed
1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 small egg
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper

Combine all ingredients, and form a crust into pan. (you may want to make it thin, it takes a while to cook

Cook for 15- 30 minutes, depending how crispy you want it

the amount of eggs and vegetables and cheese all depend on your personal preference.

I used three small eggs, about one cup of spinach and two small slices of cheese.

Pour these into the crust, and cook until solid.

---------------------------------------

also! Shake/ ice cream/ delicious oh my god.

So, getting enough protein and good fats is super important, and what better way to do it than in a shake of delicious healthy for you stuff?

i followed this recipe

(http://christensenka.squarespace.com/imported-20100106014405/2010/2/24/take-that-mcdonalds-dairy-free-avocado-shamrock-shake-gluten.html)

but substituted the mint extract for vanilla flavored stevia, (about twenty drops to make it as sweet as i needed.)

it seriously tastes like ice cream. vanilla mint delicious ice cream. I am addicted. This is probably one thing that i'll drink even after i'm done with my diet and candida free. that and dandelion root coffee, which is heavenly also.

NOM

<33

super awesome lemonade + sweet potatoe zucchini cakes

lately, I've been very distraught at the amount of things i can drink, so i decided to experiment. I missed juice, and wanted a way to make my aloe and apple pectin not taste as nasty.
Here is what i've come up with!

Ingredients:

aloe juice 2 ounces
apple pectin 1/4 teaspoon
1 Lemon
ginger tea
stevia, to taste

Warm one half cup of water, add ginger tea and let steep.
Juice your lemon into blender, add aloe apple pectin and however much ice you want.
Pour in half cup of ginger tea.
Blend!
Add more water as desired, then stevia to adjust the sweetness.
Enjoy!
This is a very healthy drink, and very delicious too!!

<33


Sweet potatoe zucchini cakes
1/2 sweet potatoe
1/2 zucchini
cinnamon
stevia

Boil sweet potatoe and zucchini until tender
Allow to cool, the mash both (in seperate bowls!)
Form a crust from sweet potatoe in cupcake tin

Add stevia and cinnamon to mashed zucchini, to taste.
put zucchini mixture inside crust
cook until potatoe is no longer mushy.
You may also want to blot excess fluid out of the zucchini, as it is very watery.

Enjoy!
This sounds like it'd be really gross, but it's not!

Vegan ACD brownies!

2 cups buckwheat flour (or one cup almond flour & one cup coconut flour)
2 cups xylitol
3/4 cups cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup water
1 cup olive oil (you can also use flaxseed, or coconut)
1 tsp frontier vanilla extract (alcohol free)







bake at 350 until you can do the fork test!

 For the frosting (not vegan)

2 tablespoons coconut oil
2 tablespoons cream cheese
1 capful frontier vanilla extract (alcohol free)
stevia, to taste

dump all ingredients into food processor and blend until smooth.
spread over brownies, or store in fridge.

i make such a small amount of this, as i am the only one who will be eating it, but you can make as much as you want, equivalent parts of the oil and cream cheese are important, the rest should be to your tasting preference.

Curry squash soup!

I have not updated in a while. Been having a rough time with the candida. >.> Oh, the wonderful joy of die off.

i have still been cooking, when i'm not laying in bed trying to focus on reading.
anyhootles.
I'm thinking about changing the name of this blog to "if you're poor and have candida." or something like that.
Buying all organic food all the time gets so expensive. At my local helath food store three items is usually $30 or more.

Lucky for me, my mom has chickens and a garden, and usually has a plethora of eggs and vegetables to give to me.

Today i ran out of zucchini, i have squash and spinach left ;_;
 I've done some reasearch and certain squashes are okay for candida people to have. i used summer squash for this recipe

so here it is:

1 whole summer squash
2 sprigs of green onion (chopped)
1 clove garlic. (chopped)
1 tablespoon curry paste
salt and pepper to taste.
1/2 cup coconut milk

First, cut up your squash, and remove the insides (i later baked the seeds, for a snack)
Fill a pot with about a cup and a half of water.
Throw in your cubed squash, and cook until tender.
When you can easily stick a fork through one of the pieces, they are ready. Throw the squash and water into a blender and blend until smooth.
Pour this back into the pot.
I'm a small sauce pan, pour a small amount of olive oil and cook garlic and onions until tender.
Add about a table spoon of curry paste and the coconut milk, stirring until paste is no longer lumpy.
Pour the coconut curry mixture into the soup, and stir.
At this point i added spinach and let it sit until the spinach was done.
Add salt and pepper. and enjoy!

I finally have my camera again so here's is a picture!

Excuse the really bad quality of my camera. and the bad lighting ;_; It looks more orange than this in person...

Anyhow, that's all for today.

<33333333333333

tabouli + candida safe products

Tabouli
2 cups quinoa
1/2 mint
1 cucumber, chopped
2 small tomatoes, chopped
1 bunch green onions (about 8)
1/2 tsp allspice
2 cups fresh chopped parsley (finely chopped)
1 clove garlic, minced (optional)
1/2 jalapeno finely chopped and de-seeded (optional)
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
5 tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper to taste


Cook the quinoa in 3 cups hot water, drain and mix with  all vegetables.
 Pour lemon juice in separate bowl, mix in olive oil and stir well.
Add lemon olive oil mixture into vegetables, and enjoy!
This should make around 8 cups. It is delicious plain or wrapped in cabbage/collared greens for a tabouli wrap!

Here are a few store bought products that are candida friendly:
Cantare olive tapenade



wildwood probiotic hummus


I'll be updating this list tomorrow. (shopping day!)


Almost all Bubbies products are awesome. They are loaded with probiotics, too!
take a look at their website, it's awesome!
http://www.bubbies.com/bubbies_products.shtml

Here is a favorite of mine, i usually dip my home made sushi into it.
I can't seem to find a picture, so here is their website.
http://www.haigsdelicacies.com/products/baba-gannouge


Martini's Klamata olives. super flavorful, it's hard to believe there is no vinegar or wine in them what so ever.
http://kalamataolivesdirect.com/products2.html#kal_olives_products

Go Raw: pizza flax snax